Where I will be in 10 days :)
I need a map
hello there.
I’m back :)
this weekend was pretty rough. I don’t know how else to put it. so many things reminded me of how my life has gotten off course lately.
I used to be pretty involved in my church. and not only was I involved..I was engulfed in the love of Christ and I had such a passionate relationship with God. I was so happy with life and I was pleased with who I was.
ever since I started high school things have been different. I know this sounds bad..but I became too busy to go to church. My life has becomes consumed with grades and work..that I have lost who I was..and that is a shame.
one of my good friends Kyle told me his testimony the other night. and whenever I left him and got into my car..I lost it. I couldn’t stop crying.
I’m tired of feeling empty and incomplete. I’m tired of trying to make myself happy with impure things.
Kyle told me to search “lifehouse everything skit” on YouTube. the girl in that skit portrays my life. I suggest to immediately to watch it. just watching a video on YouTube has awakened me.
I look around at all if these people who seem to be truly happy and I’m jealous. I want what they have. I want my happiness back.
I’m sorry if you know the version of me right now. not to be tooting my own horn..but I used to be pretty awesome :)
I’m trying to find my way back..but I honestly don’t think that I can do it on my own..if anyone would like to just throw an encouraging word my way..feel free.
thank you
bye for now.
failure
so.
I’ve been crazypsycho busy and haven’t written or anything.
sorry :(
perhaps Saturday I can catch up :)
I’m a failure. I know.
"Life is a series of collisions with the future; it’s not the sum of what we have been, but what we yearn to be."
Jose Ortega
Hello chap!
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Me:
(in a British accent) hello! Welcome to jimmy johns!
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Customer:
oh dear. Your accent is so beautiful. Where are you from?
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Me:
(stupidly thinking Paris is in england) Paris.
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Customer:
you're a disgrace. I was born in England. (then walksvout of the store)
this is me and marissa in Florida. it just shows how small we are compared to the world
so.
everyday after school I take a friend named Sam home. and it’s kind if wierd sometimes. I mean, were really good friends and all..but he’s really intimidating when he is in his usual broody mood..it feels like I can’t be myself around him.
anyways..in the beginning of the car ride we talk about each others day and how it went and what were doing later..blah blah..but then we always seem to get into these deep conversations. and they always get me thinking about life.
today the conversation was about the future. I’m not talking about college and jobs..but more like death and family.
on the topic of death..sam posed the question “why are you even still here”? and it just got me thinking that whenever I’m down..and thinking that the life I have now isn’t as groovy as I wish that it was..that my purpose hasn’t even been fufilled yet. or has it? maybe my time is going to be up tomorrow. or maybe I’ll die when I’m as wrinkled as a prune. the truth is that the unknown is what scares me the most in life.
we all have fears. and I just let you all know mine. it’s hard for me to be vulnerable. but perhaps some grand moment of clarity will be thrust upon me. who knows? no one knows. it’s the unknown.
the end
the verdict
so.
i guess i went kinda tumblr crazy. text, video, convo, and a quote.
but i think i like it..
maybe i’ll stay for a while
:)
"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes — all you need is one."
Peyton Sawyer - One Tree Hill
